Did you see the stylish kids in the riot?

By persisting with Marcus North, we offer to improve our relations and chuck away this two test match series. We might as well as give England the Ashes too, or Broad might just burst out crying, and his daddy will be angry at us.

And while you’re at it, go on and help yourself to the ODI series too, because our scary men (and women, in Watson), are being rested. You’ll just have to fight off Clarke, Cam White, Painey, Hussey, big bad Dougy, and Ferguson. Don’t expect our kids to go easy on you, they might look and play like they’re 12, but I’ve told you before, they’re fucking stubborn.

Yours truly,

Driven insane by the selectors.